Introduction by Lisa Ferentz:
I am so pleased to share this guest post from TJ Matton, LCSW-C, a valued faculty member here at The Ferentz Institute. While we often equate mindfulness with quiet, for many trauma-impacted and neurodiverse clients, the demand for stillness can be a barrier to healing. TJ offers a vital reframing of these moments, encouraging us to embrace movement and play as essential tools for nervous system regulation. I hope her insights provide you with a more expansive and inclusive lens for your clinical practice.
The truth is…stillness isn’t real.
And when that is the expectation the mental health community attaches to meditation and mindfulness, no wonder so many of our clients (and let’s be honest, us as clinicians) feel like we’re “bad” at mindfulness.
- Even when we are sitting still, our blood is rushing through our bodies like a stream. Our spine bobbing and shifting like a snake as we try to get comfortable.
- Even when our minds are quiet, we actively notice the experience of quiet.
- Even when our heart is present, it is nourished by our attention.
Stillness is an experience that deserves nuance, new language, exploration, and permission to be different from what is expected.
The truth is, many people struggle to get there because this limiting frame of meditation and mindfulness isn’t built for them.
On Thursday, June 4, I’ll be at the Ferentz Institute teaching Neurodiversity and Mindfulness: Going Beyond Stillness and Meditation. In it, I’ll teach an expansive frame of mindfulness that adapts to your clients (and you!), rather than having your clients adapt to it.
As a trained trauma clinician, I’ve worked with individual clients on their mindfulness practices. And in my decade of experience in this work, I’ve noticed three main reasons that stillness-based meditation doesn’t work.
1. People are doing it because they’ve been told to–either by their mental health professional or by society at large.
The Calm app is valued at $2 billion, with ads running promoting meditation during football games. There’s no escaping the claim that meditation is the cure for racing thoughts, nervous bodies, and deep feelings. We’re told we’re just one 20-minute session away from “calm.”
But here’s the thing: when it’s a prescribed practice, when we’re told what we “should” want, not allowed to feel what we really want, it doesn’t actually work. We can present our clients as the good student or the performer version. The goal of meditation is calm, not actual embodiment. And if the body is longing for healing, choice, and freedom…it won’t find it in that practice because that’s not a safe and self-driven state. That racing mind, fidgety body, or big emotions may be the body wisely rebelling against shifting into suppression.
2. Meditation and mindfulness are not anchored in a client’s desires.
Clinicians can fall into the trap of assuming meditation is the right fit for everyone, but we need to slow down and ask the client what their mind, heart, and body are longing for. Get curious about your client’s history with stillness and the experience of that word. Is there a word instead that connects to their desires and choice that feels liberatory? Is there a word that inspires their being that they can anchor their mindfulness practice around? Perhaps words like flow, openness, or wandering may allow a fuller version of them to arrive at the mindfulness table.
3. We are not tending to their natural need for play and aliveness.
When meditation and mindfulness are only focused on quietness and stillness, the mind, heart, and body, the being will rebel because the primal drive for play will continue to pulse within their being. Our society lacks a positive word for the opposite of stillness. How can we anchor into an expansive practice if we don’t understand what’s possible to practice?
Play is a biological drive in mammals. It is the body’s desire to be interested, invigorated, inspired, and moving.
By aligning our mindfulness with playfulness, we are teaching ourselves and our clients that BOTH stillness AND aliveness are worthy of our time, energy, and attention. And that there is no right way to be human.
But these three don’t even touch on the…neurodiversity. Humans are a widely diverse community of brains and bodies. We are born to be different, and these differences are meant to guide us toward a better understanding of ourselves and one another. Trauma-informed and human-first care celebrates the abundance and diversity of the human experience.
Playfulness invites us to be exploratory, creative, and open...
Mindfulness and meditation that demand stillness aim towards a specific idea of regulation (aka calm). It is not a human-first and diversity-informed framework. We need to let diversity redefine the mindfulness experience, so it becomes a more inclusive, bottom-up experience for the body.
When we invite the theory of playfulness into our mindfulness and meditation practice, we start with uncertainty and let curiosity and enjoyment lead the way. We don’t know what mindfulness and meditation will look like for them. Playfulness invites us to be exploratory, creative, and open so we can build a more person-centered, desire-driven, flexible, and inclusive meditation practice.
Mindfulness can be an enjoyable experience for ANYONE when approached with greater openness, curiosity, and playfulness. I hope you join me on June 4 so we can build a more expansive and inclusive mindfulness culture together.
(NEW) Neurodiversity and Mindfulness: Going Beyond Stillness and Meditation
Thursday, June 4
In-Person at The Hilton Garden Inn | Owings Mills, MD
Earn 3 CEUs - Anti-Oppressive Content
TJ Matton, LCSW-C, is a psychotherapist, consultant, and "playful revolutionist" dedicated to integrating play into clinical healing. As the founder of Windows Into Healing and The Playful Revolution, she specializes in trauma-informed modalities including Brainspotting, Polyvagal Theory, and IFS. Based in Annapolis, TJ provides workshops and consultation nationwide, advocating for a neurodiverse-affirming, social justice-oriented approach to nervous system regulation and joy.