I have always considered therapy a “gift.”

The decision to work with a therapist is a proactive sign of self-compassion and courage.

For many people, it can also be a healthy statement about one’s desire to learn, grow, and heal. Yet, for countless others, the idea of seeking therapy and revealing painful emotions, intimate or shame-based thoughts and behaviors is too daunting. Sadly, this can keep people from getting the guidance and support they deserve. There are many reasons why working with a therapist can be so beneficial.

Getting outside support breaks the cycle of handling pain alone.

You don't have to be alone in your healing just because you were alone in your pain.

Many people are so used to dealing with their feelings and overwhelming experiences by themselves. They were alone in their abuse, and assume they must be alone in their healing.  It doesn’t occur to them to ask for help if they grew up feeling alone or “invisible,” were neglected by caretakers, or had parents who were overwhelmed, distracted, or unavailable.

When needs and feelings are discounted, ridiculed, or ignored, it makes sense that the template for life is that it's unsafe to ask for help and difficulties must be handled “on your own.” Therefore, seeking out therapy may feel unnatural because it challenges a core belief about the futility of reaching out. Finding the courage to let a safe, educated person support and guide a healing journey is a way to break free from a powerful cycle of neglect.  

Therapy helps you see yourself and your situation from a different angle.

Sometimes we need someone outside of our experience to help us see what we can't see for ourselves.

The expression "you can't see the forest for the trees" applies to anyone overcome with negative thoughts and feelings. A therapist can "stand back" from those thoughts and feelings, providing a more objective, clear, and often more accurate take on situations as well as progress.

People tend to downplay accomplishments as not important, and exaggerate the seriousness of their mistakes. This is common in those who experience depression, anxiety, or have a history of unresolved pain. Perhaps no one modeled celebrating  accomplishments and, instead, exaggerated and shamed missteps.

Many people have gotten the message that it’s “selfish and egotistical” to think well of themselves, making it impossible to accept accurate compliments about strengths and abilities.

An honest, objective therapist can help revisit automatic assumptions, separating the past from the present. They can look at experiences from a different angle, offering healthy re-frames about a current situation, progress, and self-worth.

Getting outside support breaks the cycle of secrecy and shame.

Keeping secrets can reinforce the belief that there is something “wrong” or “bad” about us.

When people struggle with issues that create embarrassment or shame, it’s understandable that they try to keep those issues hidden from everyone else in their life. This often results in having to invent and keep track of complicated lies, and lying only adds another layer of guilt.

Keeping secrets adds fuel to the belief that there is something “wrong” with them or “bad” about them. Their lies may leave them feeling dishonest and fake and that can further compromise self-esteem. The ongoing fear of being "caught" or "found out" can add to anxiety.

Children are taught to keep secrets or lie about sexual abuse, domestic violence, addiction, and any other issue that is not being openly talked about within a family. Keeping secrets becomes a way to cope and survive and is “normalized” in families where grown-ups don’t take responsibility for their actions, or don’t want to deal with what’s really happening. Working with a therapist is a way to break the secrecy and reduce the lying and guilty feelings.

Therapy gives you the "cheerleader" you deserve.

Everyone needs support and encouragement with no strings attached.

This is an idea that may be hard for people who haven’t had too many “cheerleaders” in their life, especially when it’s difficult to conjure feelings of optimism or hope.

Repeated negative, frightening, or painful experiences can make it more difficult to believe things can actually get better. A supportive, non-judgmental therapist can maintain a level of hope, and point out progress, including the important baby steps. And with enough encouragement, survivors of trauma, abuse, neglect, and other painful lived experiences can eventually hold these positive messages inside and learn how to be their own best cheerleaders.